Every Tinder Bio You Are Guaranteed To See
By Millie Ní Chochláin
We all know the familiar frustration of downloading and deleting the Tinder app off our phones again and again. We find ourselves on a quiet night in thinking, ‘This time I might find someone interesting’. Unfortunately, we are all too often only met with boring, repetitive, and sometimes insulting bios that make us want to give up on the idea of love altogether.
Artwork by Bláithín Breathnach
One of the most common bios found on male profiles reads, ‘6’2’’, ‘cause apparently that matters’. Well, mysterious tall boy, we all know you just want to check one thing off the ‘tall, dark, and handsome’ list. Trying to nonchalantly play it off like you don’t think it will work in your favour isn’t fooling anyone. That being said, girls can be blinded by the prospect of a hug where their head only reaches your chest. So, it will have to be a swipe right!
Since the beginning of the pandemic a certain bio has been growing in popularity, especially in Galway. This bio is very risky as it is a big indicator that the owner of the profile could not care less about the public health guidelines. ‘Any house parties?’, doesn’t seem like it should work, but considering how often it is used maybe it is effective. Either way, it will have to be a swipe left. Sorry, but even if parties were legal right now, Tinder is not the place to find them.
Another popular bio reads, ‘Looking for a wife’. Whether this Tinder user actually wants to skip a few steps in the relationship process or just wants a cheap laugh can be left up to interpretation. Either way, it is a harmless bio and can be easily used to kick off the conversation that both halves of the match are afraid to start. A swipe right for the future husband it is.
Artwork by Bláithín Breathnach
Next, we have the self-deprecating bios. ‘How do you lower the difficulty level on Tinder’, or ‘I hear you like bad boys, I’m bad at everything’. While the attempt at comedy is admirable, it just hits the mark. Your bio should radiate a little bit of self-confidence. This is something that is attractive to every gender and every sexual orientation. So, hold your head up high and act like you deserve a swipe to the right.
Artwork by Bláithín Breathnach
Last and certainly least, is the ever so slightly threatening, ‘Don’t swipe right if you’re not going to text first’. Well, if you are looking to get the least amount of matches as possible, this is a great bio. You are essentially pre-warning all potential love interests that you’re not willing to make the smallest bit of effort. This is a two-way street people. Tinder is all too often just used for the fun of the swipe and not actually for meeting new people. Pluck up a bit of courage and text them first because they must have fancied you to swipe right in the first place. If you know you will not be comfortable with texting first, the least you can do is not to scare away all potential matches by blatantly telling them this in your bio. And who knows, maybe the next time you download the app out of boredom you really will find the love of your life. Until then, keep calm and continue swiping.
