Shared Loneliness - Take Your Time Vol. 2

By Siobhan Kelleher

Photography by Elizabeth Hunt

‘Solitude, according to the Renaissance poet-philosopher Petrarch, rehabilitates the soul, corrects morals, renews affections, erases blemishes, purges faults, (and) reconciles God and man (1)’

Every day, our world becomes immeasurable, and yet entirely local. Globalisation has been slowly changing the way we, as a society on whole, see the world, dating back nearly a thousand years. In my twenty years alone, social media, smart phones, and the plethora of video conferencing apps have created a world in which distance loses its emphasis. So why is loneliness on the rise? Surely, with the extent of connectivity that we have created for ourselves, this phenomenon should have been eradicated.

In lieu of mental health week, infographics flooded our Instagram feeds and our SU weekly emails detailed mindfulness walks and yoga classes. In contrast, confession boards shared the universal nature of the loneliness of university students. After years of secondary school corridors and classmates who never bothered learning our names, college was advertised as the redeeming chapter of our lives sagas - which is what makes the realisation all the more upsetting. Nights out become too noisy for conversation, societies seem daunting, and suddenly you’ve fallen behind in a race you didn’t even realise you were in. There are worlds within conversation that seem so far out of reach to us, that it’s all the more simple to retreat into a book, or hide behind an overfilled timetable. Before we realise it, our phones fall silent as our former friends slip away into their own lives. 

I cannot deny my own jealousy as a scroll past sequences of photos, each retelling stories of a night out I either couldn’t attend, or wasn’t invited on. Even in lecture halls, groups of three seem to mock my isolation. If social media is considered an art form, then my life most definitely imitates it. When asked (anonymously), so many of my peers related to this feeling of loneliness, admitting that it “eats (them) alive”, makes them “paranoid and lose touch with reality”, or that loneliness makes them think that “no one actually likes (them)”. The most overwhelming response was that loneliness creates the desire to further isolate, and in turn creates a vicious, destructive cycle from which one cannot pull themselves out of. 

So how can we find solace? Where is the relief for such an internal agony to be found? Quite honestly, it’s a question easier solved in thought than in practice. Our mind recolours our memories hundreds of times over before we even consider thinking them over. Between artificial pictures, and the doxography that is my memory of conversation, the tightening of my chest and the lump in my throat don't stand out prominently - although logic reminds me that they were there. So when my world seems to collapse into me, I know that in time the feeling will once again be replaced with fond and familiar laughter, and my own set of pictures to post. They say that love is found when and where you least expect it, and perhaps that is true beyond romance. In Ryan Christensen’s own 2014 discussion on loneliness, and explanation of Plato’s notions of soul mates, he says that “A mature relationship begins with realising that you are a radically independent individual”(3). It is in these moments that we are forced to look introspectively, we must allow ourselves forgiveness, and give ourselves the love we long to give to others. The idea that you have to ‘love yourself before loving anyone else’ has proved itself contentious, but there is some truth to be found in accepting who you are and finding comfort in your own company - and in doing so, being open to the idea of welcoming the love of others into your life. 

The years ahead of us, no matter where we are in our lives stories, are full of change and uncertainty. Life constantly evolves around us, despite what we might wish to stay constant. Friends, partners, even family members drift in and out of our stories, and with this loneliness is something that we cannot avoid. Find peace in knowing it is universal, and take the time you have now to understand yourself in the place in which you currently stand. 

Take Your Time

Philosophical Questions, Rambles & Opinions; from Yours Truly.

2nd entry, 13/10/2022