finding happiness within
By Aisling O’Mara
Happiness is a journey, except not one that goes on through life like most journeys. I don’t believe happiness is something we ‘attain’ or achieve. It doesn’t come about from ticking boxes off of societal checklists; dream job, married, children, nice home, etc. Similar to how people with all of these things can be unhappy, people who believe they aren’t quite where they want to be in life can be entirely content and at peace. I believe this to be because happiness is something that comes from within, something we access and learn to tap into. Happiness is within all of us, it is our natural default state as humans because think about it, when we are not happy, we believe something to be wrong. Our brains are aware we are not feeling the way we should and tends to focus on what is wrong as opposed to what is right because any grievance or pain feels like an intrusion on our natural state. The very notion that our minds are aware that being happy is our end goal and our natural human state leads me to believe that anyone can learn to access their inner peace.
The main thing is distractions. We live in a very fast-paced society, perhaps too fast-paced. We have reached a stage where everything around us caters towards us being able to grasp at a ‘quick fix’ of happiness. I noticed this pattern within myself several months ago. I was always reaching for the next thing; a new jacket, a night out, a weekend away with my friends. I believed these things would make me happy but only for a short period of time until I needed to reach for my next ‘hit’ of serotonin. We all do things like getting takeaways, post on social media, and click ‘checkout’ on our online shopping baskets for that hit of dopamine that we all need sometimes.
But dopamine is a funny chemical in that it has been proven to skyrocket right BEFORE we get or do this thing that will make us happy. Science Watch published an article in 2005 that called dopamine ‘the desire drug’ as recent studies showed that people waiting for cookies to bake had the highest levels of dopamine right before they took their first bite of cookie. As they eat it, the dopamine starts to drop away. Have you ever found that you’ve gotten more excitement before doing something than from actually doing it? Have the pre-drinks ever seemed more fun than the actual party? Is getting ready to go for dinner sometimes more fun than the dinner itself? I myself have arrived at an after-party before and once my brain clocked that this was the final destination for the night I just sort of went ‘meh’. I was over it at that point. This could also have been because the alcohol was wearing off and tiredness was setting it, but once I discovered this pattern, I started seeing it in my friends too.
We get addicted to multiple forms of stimulation as sitting still and being in the moment becomes more and more boring. We watch TV as we eat, we listen to music as we jog, we quickly find things boring because we constantly grab at the next experience but never truly seem to arrive at it. Perhaps wanting happiness is what people are obsessed with because it is always ‘when I move abroad…’, ‘when I meet that special someone…’, ‘when I'm rich and famous…’.
Our mind is constantly grabbing for the next night out, the next fun activity, the next thing for us to get our quick surge of happiness from, and so, nothing is ever truly satisfying because, by the time we get it, our brain has already skipped over it and moved on to thinking about the next thing. And so we get stuck in a cycle of living life in anticipation of tomorrow and do we ever achieve long-term happiness?
For me, it got to a point where even watching the sunrise or going on a long walk with a friend became materialistic because I was reaching for a source of happiness from without. I never thought to look within myself. Living in the moment instead of thinking about everything else in your life at the same time can be hard. Our minds tend to flood with a thousand thoughts a minute so that it can feel as if you’re drowning in them. Through observing our thoughts and making ourselves AWARE, we can begin to learn how to access our inner happiness.
It is different for everyone. A good place to start is unlearning everything that society and other people believe should make you happy and truly becoming secure within yourself. Social media and constantly comparing our lives to other people’s makes this all the more difficult. It is easy to feel insecure when you’re at home watching stories of people on holidays supposedly ‘living their best life’. Bear in mind that same person could hear that you got a promotion at work and suddenly feel anxious that they’re so far behind on their own career path. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’, Roosevelt said and the grass will always, ALWAYS appear greener on the other side.
Anxiety, self-consciousness, and self-esteem all come into play when distracting you from the present moment and there will be these kinds of obstacles on our path to finding inner peace, but a spiritually mature person will tell you that these feelings won’t vanish overnight but will become easier and easier to deal with. A truly happy person will still experience emotions such as anger, hurt, sadness. Of course they will, it’s a part of life. And being truly happy within does not mean a person will stop chasing their goals, working on themselves, and trying their hardest to be where they want to be in life. They will just realise that life is a journey that is not always linear and sometimes it really is one step forward two steps back. Learning to remain secure and confident in yourself throughout it all is the biggest gift we could give ourselves.
I am still learning each day how to tap into my inner happiness by stepping back and observing my emotions. I could be sad, missing someone, stressed, or angry in that particular moment but I try to bear in mind that these emotions aren’t real in the same way that hunger and thirst are real. They’re a result of my own thoughts and while I cannot get rid of them, I can remind myself that I have more control over my own brain than I realise.
I still do normal fun activities with my friends and make plans for the future and do things I know will give me happiness and that is not something anyone should stop doing. But it is so important to stop every now and then and genuinely check in on yourself. Remember to work on achieving your long-term inner peace as we try not to rely on simply grasping for quick hits of happiness. Remember that what we’ve been told, that getting all the external factors of our life right will make us happy, is a lie. The journey varies so much for everyone. Some people need to tackle their own mental health on top of it all, some people may need therapy to discover what is truly holding them back, some may meditate or journal, some people may not have to work too hard to realise that being alone or stuck in rut is okay and that they were enough all along, and some may need to work ten times harder.
However close you are to finding your inner peace, just remember you are always exactly where you need to be in life. Setbacks are okay, heartbreak, as well as boredom, is normal and there is never EVER a ticking clock on your life no matter how much society or the media tries to tell you there is. You can get married and have kids whatever age you want, or never, you can go to college in your forties, or never, you can start your own business when you are sixty, or you could simply have fun for now and worry about that all later, or never! Nobody has to settle down ever but everyone is allowed to whenever they want. Your life isn’t over when you are thirty, you don’t have to know what you want now or then. You will get there eventually and once you discover your true inner happiness it does not matter what you decide to do.
Right now, at this moment, you are doing great.
