The Fear of Being Left Behind

By Aisling Mary McLoughlin

Photography by Elizabeth Hunt

Many of us have hit a stage in our lives where we’re forced to figure out what’s next. Well, whatever next is. Up until this point, most things, if not everything, have been pre-planned, leaving us to connect the dots and fill in the memories that come in between. Whether that be university, an apprenticeship, working, and the list goes on. Not requiring much thought. Although having to decide what your future career would be at sixteen when deciding on Leaving Cert subjects is rather ridiculous in hindsight. Who seriously knows what they want to be at sixteen?

Personally saving the world and stopping climate change was on the cards with heavy influence from Before the Floods with Leonardo Di Caprio. After having had enough physical geography in university, a different route had been decided along the way. Funnily enough, there wasn’t a defining moment for this, it kind of just happened. A master’s was always in the plans as sadly an arts degree doesn’t qualify you for much and a job was very much needed. The fear of being left behind and not moving forward was significant enough for master’s applications to be made and the subsequent interviews to be attended. ‘This is the rest of my life’ was what went through my head while filling out these lengthy forms. ‘Is this the right decision or is it just a means to move?’ Only time will tell.

After meeting with a friend recently who has also moved home, the evening concluded that remaining at home was only ever going to be temporary. Once you’ve gained independence, going back is always hard. So much has changed since you were last there, making it harder to settle into what you once knew. The overwhelming feeling of falling behind in comparison to friends is a fear that many have. Where the fuck did this societal timetable come from and why is it the focal point for so many? It’s not an irrational fear, but from personal experience, it’s a fear you’re instilling fear in yourself that you’re not reaching you’re potential. It’s more the sense of feeling lonely as friends and places aren’t around anymore to do what you love at home.

I’d rather be the first one to leave everything I know and love than be the last one left, ‘falling’ behind. I’d stay to remain comfortable and the fear of moving on is what makes going so daunting. But the fear of remaining in the same spot for the foreseeable outweighs all of that entirely. The drive to prove myself to everyone who told me I couldn’t always remain at the forefront of my thoughts when moving on to whatever the ‘bigger and better’ next step is. Ultimately everyone wants to move on and progress in their chosen area to not feel the existential dread of figuring out what they’re meant to do with their lives. The fear of being left behind isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It could be exactly the push that’s needed to answer the burning questions of adolescence.