Can We Retire the Term ‘Openly Gay’?
By Sarah O’ Connell
Artwork by Rachel Kenny
Can we retire the term ‘openly gay’? Andrew Scott, star of All of us Strangers and commonly known as the priest from Fleabag has appeared in the news over his comments concerning the phrase ‘openly gay’. In an episode of Off Script With The Hollywood Reporter, he expressed his annoyance at this language being used to describe individuals in the media. He noted how you would not introduce a friend at a party as ‘openly gay’ or ‘openly Irish’. He discussed how this demonstrates a level of defiance that he does not connect with. This brief discussion alerts to a wider question in society, why do we treat heterosexuality as the default?
A comparison must also be drawn between this language and that of the language used to describe heterosexual people. You don’t hear straight public figures being described as ‘openly straight’. The pressing issue Scott has shone a light on is that straight remains the perceived default, and gay or queer remains a deviance from the ‘norm’. In a heteronormative society, you are considered straight until proven otherwise, cisgender until proven otherwise, monogamous until proven otherwise, furthering the agenda of keeping LGBTQ+ people othered and separate from their straight counterparts. As this prevails, closeting and coming-out culture will endure the test of time. Many LGBTQ+ people have expressed their discomfort at queer culture being centred around ‘coming out’.
This is prevalent in the media, as we see this stereotypical story play out in movies and tv shows. Unfortunately there is a real feeling from queer people that this narrative being the ultimate focus, only serves to make queerness palatable to straight people. It could even be argued that the expectation of a formal ‘coming-out’ is merely an opportunity for straight people to demonstrate their acceptance, potentially stroking their egos as they are validated in their morality. However, coming out culture does little to challenge and overturn the heteronormative norms that have plagued the world for so long. Coming-out culture says to queer people, you are not the norm, in fact you are so far from the norm the world expects a ceremonious declaration of your sexuality.
Of course, this is harmful, and perpetuates the idea that you are straight, until proven guilty. The presumption that you will come to a point where you announce your sexuality, indicates that you have something malignant to hide. Why must an integral part of identity be treated as a grave secret that must be confessed in order to appease a privileged group? The reality is that, despite the misguided notion that all queer people engage with a dramatic ‘coming out’, queer people have to come out to everyone they meet. As long as heterosexuality remains the default, clarification of your sexuality or gender will continue to be a burden on members of the LGBTQ+ community.
Many have been there, starting a new job and your colleagues enquire curiously as to your relationships, of course assuming if you present as a woman you must be interested in men, and if you present as a man, you must be interested in women. It is not just the fear that this person may not accept you once you clarify, unfortunately a sad reality for many, but the annoyance that they presumed in the first place!
The world will never move away from the narrow-minded ideals of coming out and closeting culture, until we stop assuming every single person you meet is straight. It will not be unlearned that being queer is something shameful to hide until we stop viewing it as something to be confessed. Straight people are validated in every inch of their life, from media representation to social acceptance, so why must queer people centre them in their decisions to ‘come out’ or not. Queer people should just be allowed to live without having to confirm their sexuality or gender to every person they meet. Better yet, no one should be expected to describe their sexuality as capable of fitting into one narrow box. Sexuality can be fluid, and many find specific labels restricting rather than uplifting. Others feel a great sense of freedom and understanding by labelling their sexuality.
No matter how someone identifies, it is imperative that the world must move away from this heteronormative social script that has been prescribed to us. We must remove the burden of making your identity palatable, away from queer people, and instead onto allies, to challenge these harmful norms. The term ‘openly gay’ implies that being gay is something to be ashamed of. If you are being noted as being open about something, does that not imply a certain level of reluctance to do so, which indicates it is something contemptible? Of course, the queer people who have pioneered rights for the community in their transparency should be applauded for their courage and strength to do so. That is a whole other facet to this discussion, distinct from heterosexual people's need to describe one as ‘openly gay’. Inspiration should be taken from Andrew Scott, the term must be retired, and those who use it in ignorance must be corrected, queer people are not openly queer, they are just queer.
